Having a long-term crush is definitely emotionally draining: Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. But do you ever find yourself going a bit too far? No, not creepy stalker-ish far, but even to the point that you’re fantasizing about something or someone that you know will never happen?
These feelings, when carried out long enough, can be incredibly harmful to one’s self-esteem and can even hinder new potential relationships. With every crush that never escalates, you eventually have to learn to let go.
Still stuck in a fantasy world? Keep reading to learn all of the signs off a crush-turned-obsession. If most of these apply to you, then it’s probably time to let go.
1. They’re with someone else
There’s always this subconscious fantasy that your dream partner will end their relationship and realize that they were meant to be with you all along. You’ll ride off into the sunset and leave their ex in your dust.
Yea, that doesn’t happen.
Even if you think your crush is unhappy in their relationship, it’s not your place to step in. Respect people’s relationships, just as you would want people to respect yours.
2. The relationship is stagnant
If your friendship hasn’t escalated into something more, not even a little bit, don’t try to force anything. Sometimes people are just meant to be friends.
Romantic relationships have definitely developed from friendships, but these things take time. Rushing to this point could potentially destroy a healthy platonic relationship. Think about it: is it worth it?
3. They talk about dating other people
When the person that you’re interested in starts talking about dating other people, that’s probably a good sign to move on. This usually means that they see you as a friend that they can confide in, and, as aforementioned, you can’t force someone else to develop feelings for you.
I know what you’re thinking: Sometimes people say those things to make you jealous! While that may be the case, the people that resort to these tactics to spark your interest are the same people that play games in relationships to keep a power imbalance. Odds are, you wouldn’t want to be in a serious relationship with them anyway.
4. You can’t work up the courage
We all get anxious sometimes, especially when it comes to a potential romantic interest. But if you find yourself crawling into a shell time and time again whenever you see them, it might be time to step back and examine the situation.
It’s normal to be nervous when talking to a crush, but if you get to a point of absolute fear, you may be putting them on a pedestal. This is harmful to both you and your crush: a rose-tinted view could prevent you from seeing who someone truly is.
If you’re in this situation, just take a break. Allow yourself to get to know this person platonically to see if you really like them or are just infatuated with them. Also, take some time to care for yourself; tell yourself every day that you deserve a healthy relationship with an equally-interested significant other.
5. They plant seeds but never follow through
These are the ones to watch out for, people: the ones that will string you along out of boredom, or just to see if they can get you to like them.
Avoid. At. All. Costs.
These people tend to be the most insecure and often seek attention for the sake of a short-lived self-esteem boost. They are also often guilty of emotional abuse or toying with other people’s emotions to maintain power.
If your crush has been stringing you along for ages but never seems to do anything about it, it’s likely that they’re using you to feel better about themselves. Move on. Get some Chipotle while you’re at it.
6. They don’t feel the same way
This has been repeated throughout this post, but it’s so important that it deserves its own category. Repeat after me:
You cannot force someone to have feelings for you.
If someone has already declined your romantic interest, continuing to pester them is borderline harassment (and that only works in movies, anyway). I know it sucks, but not everyone that you like is going to feel the same way. It’s a normal part of life. The good news is, for every rejection you get, there’s someone in the world that will appreciate and care for you just the way that you are.
Instead of focusing on the one that said no, save your energy for when the right person comes along.
What was your “aha” moment that ended a long-time crush? Let us know in the comments below!
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